This is something people keep going on about of late, and I never really understood the significance of it until very recently.
I find it very hard to follow my own advice; I’m constantly telling my friends to live their best life, using one of my go-to phrases of “YOYO” to encourage them to wear what they want to wear, to try new things, and that they can’t pour from an empty cup… yet I find I’m running myself ragged.
I am constantly exhausted. There’s a massive difference, I’ve found, between motivation and ability; between “I can’t be arsed” and “I can’t”. We haven’t been to the gym for a few weeks because honestly, after a 12 hour day at work, I can’t. I find I’m in pain all over. I have a pain in my left shoulder that runs down my left arm when I lift it a certain way (probably just a trapped nerve) but this is something I can’t rest. My hips ache, and my dodgy knee is going through a super rough patch… but I can’t just stop life, can I?
I have a house that, despite there only being two adults and a guinea pig, is constantly untidy and in need of a clean. I have a full time job, with the commute to and fro I’m out the house almost twelve hours a day. I don’t know how people cope with having children too, honestly I really can’t see how they make it work.
My days off are spent tidying, cleaning, and doing all the stuff I need to do; I know there are things I need to do for myself too, but I can’t seem to bring myself to put myself first.
It’s hard to admit but I’ve been having panic attacks again. There, I said it. If you’ve read this far down this post, I’m impressed; you’re either a good friend or incredibly bored, and it’s more likely the latter as I’ve found good friends are far and few between the older you get (don’t even mention how planning a wedding can make friends randomly ghost you with no explanation…) they’ve come out of nowhere, I can’t put my finger on why they’re back. I don’t even know when they’re likely to come on, which is less than convenient given I’ve had one at work last week. Thankfully I was doing something which kept me out of the way and gave me time to try and keep it under control, but as I took myself out of work for my lunch break I had another.
Taking myself out of work for my break is something I’m going to try to do more often. We are pretty much always busy, running round like lunatics trying to get everything done, and I find that I don’t have my entire break most days as I feel so guilty that we are so busy. Taking myself out and giving myself an hour away should hopefully give me enough time to charge up a little and give me a little boost.
My days off for the foreseeable will just be a constant battle of tidying and wanting to spend the whole day in bed. It’s my day off today, and I’m feeling guilt rise up in my chest because I had a (terrible) lie in and I’ve wasted a few hours this morning. There’s so much that needs to be done, and not enough time. I had the weekend off (incredibly rare in retail if you’re not management) and whilst we spent it together, we spent the entire weekend with friends and family, which isn’t really quality “us time” so it was just as tiring trying to socialise, and we didn’t spend any time at all in the house so no jobs got done. While it’s nice to socialise I felt like the entire weekend was wasted because the house wasn’t tidied and we didn’t get any quality time together either. I know, I’m rambling.